Something

Wanted to write something
To drop down some part of Life
Something I could refer to
Like how I'm looking back now
Seems childish But well
That's how it is isn't it?
I'm Almost 20 Which is gonna happen next year and looking back at this
This blog started off Almost 7? Years ago and really embarrassed to look back hahaha
I've accomplished something I want to do But there's still much more ...
Looking at my past
Hoping for motivation to move forward with more courage 😊

Depression

Well....
I think I got hunt down by depression lately and it seems like I can't get out of it at all. I want to know my effort is not wasted But unfortunately What I see is different from What I expected... I really felt betrayed by What I got and What I've done for it... everything... everything seems so worthless, meaningless, pathetic....  like Why even try?  Why even put time in it? In the end, it's just waste of time and it just keep hunts you down like you're such a big failure! I hate falling like this...  I dislike being punch back down and whatever I did to change it and it doesn't even seems like working... I hate to have no power to change...  to change that should have been change But well I failed to change it again this time and it's so hard to stand up again... Please  give me some motivation...  some hope or anything....

hey...

this blog..
never knew it still existed and there's so much in here
things I once thought that will never change
well... they all changed ...
I am part away from my so called best friends
we are well friends but we all move on in our life
and I've changed for sure
I think what I found out now
it's like reflecting how my mind evolve
how I used to think and how I've changed..
Things are different now
All of us grew up , All of us changed
Some gets boyfriend, Some lose theirs , Some gets new one as usual . Some are still waiting..
to the sisters I once think they are mine , well
we all grew up .

I become a girl who have so much hate in me
which makes me feel bad though in a way
I shouldn't think that way , but I just don't like it anymore
I'm not always happy
why do I pretend to be when I'm not
why is it me the only one in so many that have to do all these
why don't you see how much I've done ?
why can't you know I want other and not this...
why why why I have more why that even myself will be surprise
I just can't take it sometimes ,
but nothing , not even a thing is changed after so long ...
it's like no one sees it , no one appreciates it , no one cares even for a bit...
please tell me what to do....
God , I've became so bad ... didn't I?